Stick to your post

I am increasingly intrigued by Facebook posts. Status posts, mostly. In an earlier blog I bemoaned the illusive, non-tonal world of texting. No nuance, no nothing, no answers. I think I am beginning to feel that way about Facebook.

Imagine that, a writer who despises the written world of emoticoms and IDKs and ROFL...you get the point. Insta-chat is hell, again because you just never know what the f*ck the chattee is really trying to say.
I guess, because I am approaching stubbornness like a fly moves to sh*t, that I'm just too old fashioned for these cold, technological devices which are supposed to convey major feelings like pain, joy, love, and sometimes hunger. The end result of texts and chats is basically indifference. Dangerous, unattached indifference to the world and the people living in it.

I like flesh. I like seeing the corners of eyes crinkle at fart jokes. I prefer the warm breath and the mangy morning hair to any beep I get on my phone. I am human, and so, because I live this mortal stasis that I was born into, I love human things.

However, and this is a big however, I do enjoy reading my friends' Facebook status reports. Again, they are obtuse, but there are some funny ones. They fall into loose categories; melancholy, obtuse, hysterical, and, my personal favorite, plain ridiculous. Who knows if these people posted it for the moment and forgot or continue to carry these odd thoughts for 19+ hours. I mean, "I love donkeys", what does that mean? Just seeing it is absurd and, of course, you gotta wonder...Also, "My nipples are hard" is a favorite so is "Checking out my new trim."

It's a field day out there people! Some of the comments I want to post would get me fired from any job and put on a list, I'm sure. But, man. I love, too that my 13-year-old nephew has changed his relationship status to "single." How the f*ck can you be single when you can't even drive or do laundry? Who knew?

FYI, as much as I am amused by the status updates there are two things you should never, ever, ever post because they are so annoying I want to PUNCH MYSELF in the face when I read them; song lyrics (especially cheese-ass love songs about pain and breaking up) and loooong spiritual paragraphs about what epiphany you had that day, and posts about being bored. That drives me nuts!

Poop is acceptable, especially when referencing food poisoning or a new baby in the house, so is self-deprecating sarcasm.

But never post the stripped down truth. That is crossing the line. That comes with weight and suddenly your little secret smile becomes a thing to glare at through aquarium glass.

But don't post that either.