Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The End of the Affair

I'm sorry, but with the latest "Weiner" news, I am convinced now that 1)men, all men (save for like 3 that I know) lead with their dicks and 2) Have you ever heard of woman in politics, making major decisions for people, f*cking around with internet porn and specialty hookers and god knows what else?! Can you imagine Hilary Clinton deciding that on her lunch break she's gonna take a picture of her "nethers" with her phone and then post it?! WTF?!

And yes, there are women who cheat. In fact, 45% of married women in this country are unfaithful. I think the percentage for married men is roughly the same, maybe a few percentage points higher, but close. So, then the issue, especially in this age of social media, isn't that men cheat more than women. It's that everybody's cheating (and that male politicians are really friggin' bad at it!).

That sound about right? Fair? And furthermore, social media is making it a lot easier, A LOT easier to "cheat" right in front of your spouse. I guess I should define my idea of cheating, because nowadays moral flexibility is a very handy tool to have. So, cheating, in my mind, is anything that makes you feel guilty, anything that you wouldn't tell your spouse because somewhere in there you know it would cause some waves. Major waves in most cases.

Based on that definition, how many of us cheat? Better yet, how many of us have "cheated" within the last 24 hours?! No need to raise your hands, but just think about it. I told my "domestic partner" the other day that I think the computer and texting is ruining good ol' fashioned love. It is melting boundaries that were once very clear and it is creating mistrust and suspicion within even the most adoring relationships. In fact, I'm willing to bet that Facebook was partly responsible (partly) responsible for the breakdown of my marriage. I didn't know who all these women were that he was friending and apparently a "friend" emailed him through FB and said that "your wife" (i.e. ME!) was "getting close" with people at grad school that summer. Of course, I have no idea to this day who the guy was that said that, and I still have no idea who all the women friends are that my ex "friended" that summer. As for me, the only "close" relationships I had were with the ticks, the bears, the moose, a newly married Ukrainian woman and my friend Lyd, who was writing great poetry AND counting points for Weight Watchers.

Pretty risque, eh? But, once that seed is planted in the mind, the roots grow pretty quick. I don't even think I had a chance after that email was sent.

Which brings me to texting, and still emails. Being the jaded, thirty-something woman I get antsy when my "gentleman friend" gets a text. Not antsy-crazy, but just a sick feeling in my guts like "What the hell is he up to?" And I'm pretty sure that he feels the same way to a degree. So immediately, we have slushy trust issues which can be used against us at any time. Does it mean that I can't get texts from my guy friends, not necessarily, but then the issue comes down to "managing content" and what you should or shouldn't be saying in a text to someone who you are not in a relationship with...

It's messy people. I'm trying to stick to some basic rules to keep things simple. Oddly, it's not that simple. First off, I'm thinking if I would feel weird showing the text (or email, or tweet or picture) to my "partner" then its not an appropriate conversation to be having. And if I get a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach then, again, it probably isn't right and I should deflect.
That said, every time I casually ask my boyfriend "oh, who's that?" he rarely tells me. And since he doesn't ask me, I don't tell him...

This soapbox is getting mighty crowded.

No comments:

Post a Comment