If Julie Powell can post a blog about her childless life in the city and a 900-year-old recipe book based primarily in butter and parsley, then my findings about the world should be a cinch. I will begin this blog with the list I created this morning using three pens (all short on ink, of course) while listening to my gigantic dogs fight with the neighbor's dog who still has testicles and no manners, of course. I am amazed at how this brief encounter with paper sums up what will most likely be another cataclysmic day in the life of a freelance mother trying to make a bleak living in rural Massachusetts. It may also be said that I am one of about two women I know who has yet to discover the numbifying joy of Cymbalta. But don't worry, a dear friend (very dear) gave me three Clonapin for a late birthday present and I still have two left. I don't remember where the other one went....
Buy a 50 lb bag of dog food for Dumb and Dumber (hopefully I can get it to the car without further injuring my back)
Buy children's toothepaste so that the high flouride levels don't show up at the next physical
Eggs, since the last 18 were mostly cracked and now those are mostly frozen
Write my column so that my editor thinks I take my life seriously
Tell a good friend that I am not a Christian
Prepare for reaction of said friend
De-louse daughter's pillowcase, again.
Make plans to sue the Mayo Clinic for posting that "most African-American children do not get head lice"
Make plans to sue the publishers of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" for not adding the appropriate epilogue, which could be entitled "Where hell is really at".
Reheat coffee pot, and have a cup, a.k.a. lunch
Hope that back-up is working so as not to lose first blog
More later, thanks for reading, if you did.
This is a darkly humorous bit about life as a rural mother and freelance writer in Western Massachusetts. Little Appalachia, if you will. The title, I feel, clearly reflects how life is coming at me like an overloaded freight train, and my own ridiculous response to it. Me VERSUS all; teenage children, people who want me to work for free, conservative government, food karma, weird menfolk. You'll either laugh, shrug your shoulders, or call DSS immediately. Happy reading.
I did and Ed was right, I will. I'm addicted to blogs. Good use of my time huh? Oh well, it'll give you a reason to write.
ReplyDeleteMayo said most, not all.
ReplyDeleteAfter all, they came up with a great condiment for sandwiches.
Ironically, mayo can also be used to smother head lice! It does a hell of a number on the pillowcase, however.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy that someone else understands that drugs are good and that life is shit sometimes.
ReplyDelete