Saturday, April 17, 2010

What people are really saying...

I truly appreciate the nitty gritty elements of life "behind the scenes." Maybe it's because I am an observer and I write what I observe, maybe it's because I have a sick sense of humor and have literally no interest in the sanitized version of people's lives.
Maybe both.
And so, I spend a lot of time and attention scrutinizing and memorizing interactions with friends, family and even complete strangers. I go to bed laughing to myself when the room is utterly silent and even the rain doesn't dare fall. In fact, I've grown so accustomed to reliving these hilarious moments that I rely on them to fall asleep at night. There are a lot of for instances but I'd like to point out a few from the past week that have floored me and continue to make me laugh. My hands are shaking right now as a matter of fact!
For instance: I have a friend whom we shall call "Squared Away," or SA for short, who works with some of the most f*cked up kids on the planet. His demeanor is very calm, I am imagining that his blood runs evenly and serenely through every part of his body, even down to the forgotten fingertips. Yet, when I was peering into the backseat of his car I noticed a plethora of clothing unfitting such a tidy, SA kinda guy.
"What's with all the T-shirts? You on your way to the laundromat?" I was half-joking when I said this.
"That? Oh no, those are for when we do take downs. Sometimes the kids end up ripping my shirts."
Take downs?! Are you serious? This giant of a man, with even-flowing blood and the personality of a shaman has to do take downs? And so many, in fact, that he has spare shirts to accommodate violent ripping incidences?
Did I mention how calmly he relayed this information while sipping an iced coffee (with a straw) right before he went to work?
For instance:
Journalists are generally pretty witty people. We meet a lot of folks doing a lot of things and there are some stories that grab us and some that we want to grab and choke with our bare hands...or something like that. I had to do a story recently that involved talking about pets.
I hate pet stories. To the point where, once, when my editor asked if I was interested in covering a cat rescue story I emailed her with a simple "F*ck no." To my boss. That's how much I hate pet stories.
So, before I interviewed the pet lady (oh yes, she wrote a book all about her pets, and yes, I'm being deliberately vague right now) I told my very dry, astute writer friend about the impending story. His response, "So, if you were stranded on a desert island with Lassie and Rin Tin-Tin..which one would you eat first?"
I almost died doing that interview. I had all kinds of "alternate" questions in my head. Barely made it through. Yet, it's midnight now, and I'm laughing my *ss off right before sleep. Never fails. I love the other side.


  1. Nichole:

    I would love to know what some of those alternate questions were!

    Love ya,


  2. Well, one of them was "So, who's the best boy? Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"