Friday, March 19, 2010

Erasure girl

I've been polling a lot of people lately, mostly on the subject of "the pool." You know what I am talking about, the dating pool, the one with all of the sharks in it that you have to dip your toe into every now and again and risk getting it chewed off. Completely chewed off. So far the responses have been somewhat gloomy in terms of my viability in entering that pool. My friend Whitney inhaled a long drag from her 900th cigarette, flipped her bangs a little and shook her head.
"Their all f*cking babies, Nichole. Even the good ones." Of course, since I am a mother, and my memories of the infant stage still keep me awake with nightmares, that image really hit home. A man in a diaper, asking me for things while relying on me for nourishment and clean-up. No thank you.
Then I went to the all-knowing sage, my mother, again, asking her what she thought of getting back out there. She guffawed and almost choked on her coffee. Mind you, this woman has been married for almost 40 years to the man I call, well, I call him Stan, but he's my father.
"Ha. Well, honey," she said shaking her fluffy head, "They're all children, you just have to accept that at some point, they are all children. Actually, 12-year-olds trapped in the body of men."
That one was hope-dashing, but I appreciate the honesty so far. Finally, I polled my therapist, who is leaving the area and since this was my last session with her, I pulled out all the stops.
"What do I do about dating, and being selective? I don't want to just get out there and say yes to whoever comes along because I have the self-esteem of a 15-year-old right now."
She put her pen down removed her glasses and said, "Choices."
"Just make choices as you go. Set some boundaries if you need to and take the good things at face value. If someone says you're attractive, say thank you. If someone says you're hot let's f*ck, say no, maybe, or yes, depending on what choice you think you need to make."
Huh? Who knew? That seems easy. I smiled a big toothy grin. Then she said with a more stern expression, "But don't give it up for just anybody. You can be selective. YOU should be selective."
We'll see.

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