Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Good-bye 2009

Maybe this is being a little bit premature, but I'm pretty glad to be rid of 2009. It wasn't a "very good year." In the interests of consistency and being totally cheesy, I'd like to do a little look back at the year, you know, like Time Magazine does, and People. Except, I'm not famous, my life is of little consequence on the newsstands and I can use the f-word with or without asterisks. My choice.

"20-09" or "Why I Must've Been a Serial Killer in a Former Life"

January 2009 began with a fizzle as my red blood cells were struggling to survive while fighting a mean case of mono (lymphoma was ruled out in Dec. of 2008). With jaundice (yes, you do turn yellow) and Lyme's disease I continued to laugh, cry and puke my way through the month while celebrating the inauguration of Barack Obama, who continues to be my savior. This month was also marked with anxiety due to a cousin who was in his second tour of duty (in the mountains of Afghanistan) and a brother who despite having one heart surgery, was still making weekly trips to the ER, he turned 36.
As January leaked away, one freezing day at a time, Lucian's nose continued to bleed and he continued to have migraines until the doctor ordered a Lyme's test and an MRI to rule out, and I quote, "a brain tumor or hematoma". That was quite something, watching my five-year-old from behind a lead screen wondering if, in fact, he would have any hair by February.
All clear on that one, I turned 32 in February, managed to finish the doxycycline and not have to have my liver drained. Still jaundiced, but having one of the best teaching years of my career.
March was a bit shaky, my little brother turned 30 (to his dismay, I did tease him about his diminishing hairline) and my older brother was scheduled to have another heart surgery in April. Again. The surgery lasted over 12 hours, I had his children for the day and night and began to wonder if I might have them forever, when relief in the form of a very emotional phone call came. He made it again.
I think the relief was short-lived, or my heart was having sympathy pains because a few weeks later I found myself in a hospital bed for the weekend with an "acute coronary spasm" and a now established record of "heart difficulty". Ye-ah.
That's when sh*t changed. Forever. I had epiphany after epiphany in that hospital bed, the first of which was I needed to write some kind of a living will because my child had no legal guardian if anything happened to me. And that I have never liked applesauce. we are, I am done with teaching, writing furiously, watching my children grow and become very funny, warm, quirky, reckless people despite poverty, bad marriages, and anxiety.
5 migraines later, with some potato leek soup in my system and a lot more perspective, I can say, that, yes, a shitty year, but what a great way to trim down and out the stuff that's not important, and has never been important.
It's all very clear to me. A reckless thought, but it keeps my heart where it needs to be. I love my kids, I need my health, and the rest can be worked out in time.

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