Monday, January 11, 2010


I remember a post from a few weeks (or months, time is very elusive once winter begins) about dichotomies. Well, this post is a little different. It does not address parallels. In fact, there are no parallels to be had today at least. It is Monday, the week is starting off smashingly, beginning with a "sorry but the position has been filled email" as well as a slew of bills from my cardiologist. Apparently the insurance only covers half of the $500-per-hour consult.
I was there for an hour and a half. And he did most of the talking as I recall.
The holes in my pocket are huge and cold, my mother is scraping together leftovers so that we can feed our dogs, I've given my horse away, my car will be in hock for the next 50 years and what do you suppose arrives in the mail today?
A letter addressed to "Princess Anna Yassafen Dupont" from the King of Cameroon.
I'm not even kidding. In a distant land named after "shrimp", Anna's picture hangs among others in the royal family. In fact, the king has requested a larger portrait of her and he has kindly sent a professional photo of himself in royal Cameroonian regalia. Very ornate and beautiful, especially compared to the ripped gray sweatshirt Anna was wearing while reading the letter. Or compared to my Muck boots stinking of horse sh*t, now passing as winter boots even though they do a shameful job of keeping my feet warm.
Did I mention that we are using paper towels for toilet paper? As are many family members.
My parents were there when Anna opened the letter and I read it out loud. The looks and comments did not disappoint.
"So, do you think the king will pay child support then? I mean, he did call her daughter..."
"Probably not, Mom."
"I'm guessing he has no idea that you are, well, you know..."
"Practically living in a trailer."
At which point my father bowed to Anna just as she was letting out a big fart.
"Princess...whew, what was that?!"
"Princess Farts. Or Princess Gassy. Either one is fine."
Way to take it up a notch kid. Anna will be herself no matter what the circumstances. She puts things into perspective when you don't realize you needed the perspective.
We are currently crafting a response to the letter sans smells and sound effects.

No comments:

Post a Comment