Sunday, January 3, 2010


I thought of something a friend said to me this past summer. We were all sitting around by the fire (which was necessary because we were doing graduate work in the mountains of Vermont and it is still cold there at night) reading Yeats and wondering if we were going to make it. Being the restless nightmare of a human that I am, I got about 5 poems in and then got up and went to the piano and started playing my own stuff, just tinkering with chords. That's when my friend, we'll call him James, yelled across the old tinderbox barn.
"What're you playing?"
"Nothing, I'm just f***ing around with chords. Why? Is it bad?"
"What?! No, it's not bad. It's amazing."
Then he walked up to the piano and set my little Dixie cup filled with bourbon in front of me.
"You need to be more like a man."
"What? I thought I was more like a man. You just said I was like a brother to you!"
"That's not what I mean. I mean, you speak like 5 different languages, you're an amazing writer, you play the piano, you read everything, you hike and garden and raise smart kids."
"Yeah, and?"
"You need to be more arrogant about yourself. When you walk into a room you should be thinking how people should impress you, not how you should impress them."
"Huh." I sipped my bourbon and that was that.
Now, six months later, I'm wondering if he was right. Most of me says yes, it is time to KNOW, not to wonder, that I've got my sh*t going on and screw whoever thinks otherwise.
Unfortunately, I was not raised that way. This is gonna be tough.
Any suggestions? Comments? Experiences?


  1. My comment is own it girl! Which you seem to be embracing w/the burlesque class, no? And I was raised that way, it didn't do a damn bit of good, I am who I am, self doubt run rampant! So, be aware, embrace your many talents and gifts and strengths and get on with it! That is all.

  2. Caitlin, you need to be a life coach or a burlesque performer. You've got it, woman.