Monday, October 19, 2009

Duck down and truffles?

I have a facebook account. There, I've said it. No big deal, right? Well, this is going to sound like a confession more than anything else because I don't use the account just for email updates and to find out what friend is picking their ass at that moment and who is looking for love in all the wrong places.
Those status updates can be a bit much, especially the ones that change every five seconds. Those people are kidding themselves. How could their status change when all they're doing is sitting on their asses updating facebook?! It's a quandry.
Anyway, after I've checked my account, sent emails to people I like and ignored the ones who I don't even remember but somehow they have become my "friend", I use the other feature of facebook:
I do have an 8-year-old daughter who manages my farm for me, that way there's an excuse for all of this, but I do delight in watching her collect cyber squash and purchase fake hay bales for the fake horses. What really confuses me about Farmville is the "use" of the animals. Maybe it's my jaded, 30-something self that is totally puzzled by the function of the beasts. For instance, when you click on the little fake pig your options are; Move, Sell, Collect truffles, rotate, walk.
"Collect truffles? What the fuck does that mean?"
"Mom, the f-word."
"Right, sorry. What does that mean?"
"It means that the pig is going to dig truffles for you."
"But don't most pigs on farms get eaten, I mean, shouldn't it say collect pork chops?"
"Not in Farmville, Mom."
Ok, so maybe I'm a bit old-fashioned and have been completely honed to believe that any animal on a farm is going to be in my stomach within the year. Fine. So no pork in Farmville.
But what about the ducks? There are ducks with similar options; Move, Sell, Collect down feathers, rotate, walk.
"Down feathers? What about the eggs? Don't people eat duck eggs, and ducks, especially around the holidays?"
"Not in Farmville, Mom. Taking the eggs would be stealing."
So, with every animal that needs attention, none of them will die, ever, at the hand of the cyber farmer with a shaggy hair cut (my choice of customization). Even the baby elephant that my friend Marc gave me is only good for distributing circus peanuts. It has tusks. Ivory is worth A LOT these days. The horse is only good for stud fee for thoroughbreds, no brood mares.
Maybe Farmville will collapse on its own political correctness. Or, just maybe, every creature and human will get what they need to be happy.
For dinner last night, nachos that were unintentially broiled because the numbers and settings on the stove were wiped away by the degreasing agent. Not my doing.

No comments:

Post a Comment