Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Junk email

I've been getting a lot of REALLY interesting junk email lately. Not your standard "work from home for $250 a day" stuff. I still get that shit, but somehow the spam folks have upped the ante quite a bit. Now, I can receive an online degree from an accredited university, one that no one's heard of, most likely based out of Delhi or Uttar Pradesh or something. I went to Yale, thank you, don't need the online bogus degree for another 30k.
So, let's combine the online fak-o degree with the "cheap prescription drugs" from first name only senders. "John knows how you can get Klonapin delivered to your door for free." All set, thanks, if I need Lorazipan, Klonapin, or any other mind numbing anti-anxiety drug I have plenty of friends who can hook me up, and I know their last names.
My most favorite new spam is the sex shit. Apparently, some dude named "Carl" thinks I have a penchant for "Latino males with giant cocks, call now!" and in case that's not my style, "Christa" emails me fairly consistently offering up "wet Asian hotties, now". Nice. 'Cause the lack of ready-to-go asian women in my life is really starting to bother me.
Finally, and this is perfect, every other day I receive an offer to "pump up" my penis with a male enhancement device that promises "long, rock-hard results". Yeah, that's just what I need, another penis in my life that happens to be my own.
Fortunately, I have all I need. A set of cahones no man could match and the ability to laugh at it all.
For dinner, popcorn, apple juice, and, yes, the last of my birthday Klonapin.


  1. I love the penis ones, hello, lady here, wrong bits!!! WTF????? Gotta love capitalism!

  2. I'm pretty sure I am responsible for the birthday Klonapin. I only give that shit away on special occasions.